🔗 Share this article Balancing my Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy While Pursuing a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, largely pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, but I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start to date any man, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men once more. Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many homosexual males have open relationships, yet from my observations, they have seemed demanding, often resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire another man to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused. Each individual's sexual journey varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you might meet someone who provides a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American psychotherapist focusing on treating intimacy issues.